Dear GOAT Wife,
I received your letter and all I can say is Wonders will never cease! This lockdown must have been very intense for you. I mean you calling for a truce was the last thing on my mind! I must say I actually underestimated your capabilities and shrewdness. Either the lockdown grew you up or gave you a much-needed break to rejuvenate and see all the mistakes you have made that drove Our Husband away in the first place. Whichever way, you have created a crisis, nothing new about that because it is your overthinking and nagging that annoys Our Husband. You need to relax and take it easy. Life is not that serious!
A truce is not such a bad idea, only that it takes away the thrill from my adventures. Our Husband as you call him is simply an adventure. Something I do to take my mind away from all the stresses from work and life. I know that our affair has helped bring his mojo back. He has severally told me that I bring out the boy in him. He feels 25; he has energy and zeal for life and other things if you follow my drift….
Anyway, I am not here to discuss my affair with you. All I’m saying is you have removed the fun from everything. This was only exciting because you were a constant threat, you made it risky. Not to worry I shall skew my affair to bring back the adrenaline. That said I agree with you on one thing: Martin (Can you just stop calling him Our Husband? That is so gross!) is a great man. He’s fun, adventurous, highly networked, has very good skills EVERYWHERE and he’s handsome. At 49 he looks 30. I must say you have kept him very well.
I don’t trust your call for a truce. I know without a doubt that you have something up your sleeve, but since this is how you want to play it, so it shall be. Now that I think about it, this might be the first step towards bringing back the thrill to my affair so I accept the call for a truce with a pinch of salt and also some modifications to the framework.
Time: I thought you wanted Martin to be always available for the family over the weekends? My weekends are also loaded! Once a month the girls and I take a road trip, I spent one weekend with my parents, another at the salon and spa to get complete makeovers and only one with Martin. Now that I enumerate that I wonder; if you have been so occupied during the weekends what has Martin been up to? He has always told me he spends time with his family. My goodness you are right! We have to keep tabs on this man, he’s too clever. I agree. I shall keep you informed of all our meetings. As for Mutuku, that snitch, I told Martin we shouldn’t trust him, it’s good to know where his loyalties lie, but for the sake of our success, I agree let’s make him our informant. I cannot guarantee your weekends for you please figure it out because I also have a life to live. At 28 the world is my oyster, why can’t you just take him with you to the farm and create opportunities where he has to spend time with the children? You are the Goat wife deal with it. In any case if Martin wonders off with another damsel you shall bear the greatest loss, can you imagine a more opportunistic woman who comes to bear children for Martin joining our triangle? Imagine the stress and pain. Deal with it!
Phone: I know all about that Black Shark 3. Did he not tell you about it? I got it for him as a gift specifically because we needed to keep you out of our affair. It would be interesting to know how you found out about the second space because as far as I know Martin, and I know him pretty well, he’s a very careful man. I will find out who else he has been chatting with on Telegram and other apps. But not for you neither shall I tell you about it. I don’t want you overreacting and causing Martin unnecessary stress. If there are any girls I will deal with them my way. I have done it before. Please don’t underestimate my capabilities.
Food: This is the most ridiculous thing I ever heard in my life! Martin loathes your food, or is it the food cooked by Truphena your cook? I know you have not seen the door to your kitchen since December 2019 when you helped clean up the table after the big Christmas dinner you held for all your relatives. Then again, 5 months is a long time not to learn a skill. So it’s good to hear you started cooking. That’s your domain not mine. I don’t cook. Never have, and I don’t intend to. Don’t worry, I am the queen of healthy eating, Martin is taken care of.
Investments: You are unbelievable! You call Martin Our Husband, we share him but not his property? I don’t believe your audacity! Martins property is also ours. I have as much right to it just like you do. Just so you know I also participate in making sure Martin’s investments remain stable and lucrative. In fact, did you know that your staff has been embezzling funds? Yes, I helped Martin audit the accounts in February; did you think that he hired an audit firm for that? Nope, that was all me, and from what I heard you were very happy with the reports I prepared. I have a good head on my shoulders I am sure you appreciate it. I believe I have proved my worth and justified my input to guarantee me a piece of the pie because I don’t intend to be poor or broke. Besides, Martin is a very generous man, did you know he bought me a 3 bedroom apartment in Kileleshwa as a gift for my 27th birthday last year? I am not really worried, what you refuse to share I shall get in the form of gifts and rewards for all my hard work. So please stop with your outrageous thoughts and advice and let’s focus on streamlining Martin for now.
One last thing, I don’t like being called co-wife. I have a name. Sheila. If you want this to work you must start referring to me by my name not some funny unmerited irritating titles.
Taking all this with a pinch of salt,